Need A Roommate?

This is an actual want-ad posted in the housing selection on craigslist.com this morning. I almost peed my pants.

Dude wanting a room (don't break my bong) (santa barbara)

hey everyone i'm looking for a room with a roof that doesn't leak. i currently live with 2 spiders i've named henry and salazar. I go to sbcc and study boobs. I'm a pretty clean person, i smoke a lot of pot and don't wear much clothing. swearing is fun but please don't swear around me on wednesday and saturdays. sometimes i occasionally sleep walk but any mess or damage done will be completely taken care of by me when i wake up. I refuse to live with anyone who doesn't like watching muted television with subtitles playing. i feel like its really good for the brain to watch something and like read what your watching or something. I'm a single male but occasionally use craigslist for erotic services so please don't be alarmed if i'm cooling out with a super hot babe. Some people think of me to be like mick jagger but i sometimes think i am more like jesus. I eat a lot of rice and eggs. i enjoy going grocery shopping and if you do too we could probably shop for food together which would be a good bonding experience. i don't mind living with either sex as long as you are not both, my last set of roommates were weird and tried spooning with me at odd hours. I dont speak foreign languages so don't worry about me talking shit about you in different languages. email if you got that room or some shit. please describe yourself thoroughly for i am very picky person. 559 786 6664 - the name is david, david guadagni.